My very first post here at inReads was an open-ended post from the ladies over at the Everygirl. While they host multiple blogs–from budget finds to job postings and finance tips–my favorite to date is their Coffee Talk forum. They ask their readers open-ended questions and encourage replies.
Last Thursday, the Coffee Talk topic was Relationship Deal Breakers. Let’s face it folks, we all have them; sometimes, it’s just a matter of figuring out if your issues are just annoyances or if they are truly an underlying concern threatening the foundation of your relationship.
Dr. Bethany Marshall, author of Deal Breakers: When to Work On a Relationship and When to Walk Away, tells Gayle from Oprah.com, “A deal breaker is that one thing that grates on you, but it symbolizes everything else that’s wrong in a relationship… it’s a character flaw or emotional stance that significantly deteriorates the quality of your relationship.”
Sure, there are the big topics we must all look at when choosing the appropriate mate: religion, geographic location, desire for children and/or marriage. These are discussions couples should have had or BE having prior to deciding just how serious the relationship is going to get. Making sure you are both on the same page is pivotal in terms of growing together and attaining goals along the way.
But what about the less-serious issues? Hygiene, debt, jealousy, smoking, drinking? Some may not view these as deal breakers, maybe just bad habits or even “growing pains.” Every couple is bound to argue. Matter of fact, if you are in a relationship and you never fight, somethin’ ain’t right!
The key to dealing with potential deal breakers is communicating. Often, we (when I say “we,” I am mostly identifying with females in a relationship) silence ourselves, especially at the beginning. We want to appease, we want to make our men happy and feel like we are solely responsible for the smiles on their faces. While this is a great attitude to have, you need to ask yourself two questions: 1. Are you being true to yourself? 2. Are you working as hard to make yourself happy?
I’ve had three serious relationships in my life, and I can honestly say that speaking up, being honest, and communicating well are the most important factors when it comes to the longevity of a relationship.
While men tend to be the “go with the flow” species, women are the worry-warts; we over-analyze and stress over the things men don’t even think about. We take things out of context, we get emotional, make mountains out of molehills, and so on. We don’t want to bother the fellas with these trivial thoughts and feelings, so we tend to keep quiet so we don’t nag.
Well, I may nag, and I may sound like a broken record, and I know I get on my fiance’s nerves. He tells me all the time! But ya know what? When there is something truly bothering me, I let it be known. I wear my heart on my sleeve so it isn’t exactly hard to miss, but as females, we really need to SPEAK UP!
So ask him this-or-thats, ask hypotheticals, ask top-fives. Get to know your man! And if he doesn’t like it, well then he isn’t the one. As you get to know him, maybe you won’t like him much anyways.
The right one will want to know everything about you; and though you may not always be in agreement, he will grow to love everything about you anyways. That’s a promise.
