Today, I was cruising through my LinkedIn network; I love my news feed of like-minded professionals. People spread the word about trends, business tips and suggestions, articles of interest and buzz worthy news. It’s a great place to connect with people to boost your credentials, highlight your successes, and even find new career opportunities.
As I continued my scroll today, I came across an article title that stuck out: Does Trying to Be Happy Make us Unhappy? So, I took the liberty to click and read on, and my eyes were truly opened to the impact that the “pursuit of happiness” has on the comprehensive happiness of society.
The post was written by Adam Grant, NY Times best-selling author of the book Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success. He discusses in his post that the more value we put on happiness, the less attainable it actually becomes. Adam mentions a savant named Tom, who essentially traveled the globe seeking a life of pure bliss–a career, lifestyle, home, and culture that would make him the happiest Tom he could be. Every move to a different country, every change in his industry, and every lateral move made in these eight years left him longing for the happiness he had been seeking; no matter where his travels or mindset took him, he never found the satisfaction he had been looking for.
Adam goes on to explain the four fundamental mistakes Tom made along the way:
1. Tom keeps trying to figure out if he’s happy. The second we hop into analytics mode, we remove ourselves from the present situation. This inhibits our capability to enjoy the happiness we are currently experiencing.
2. We tend to overestimate the impact life circumstances have on our overall happiness. Sure, a bright moment may make us feel fantastic at the time, but how will we feel once the immediate elation wares off? For example, the nostalgia of seeing an old friend, or dinner at a 5-star restaurant. These are wonderful times to take in and experience, but do these glimpses of happy times impact you overall happiness?
3. Pursuing happiness alone isn’t necessarily the right route. Sure, happiness is measured on a case-by-case basis; but what is happiness if we can’t share it with anyone else? Adam mentions studies having shown that this self-validating focus on happiness can in fact make people feel lonely and depressed.
4. Searching for moments of immense happiness. These experiences of “super joy” can, in fact, frame our idea of happiness and minimize the importance and good feelings associated with smaller circumstances. If you were to win that massive Powerball jackpot today, would you appreciate finding a $20 bill on the ground? Probably not.
At the end of the day, we all have things that make us happy: sunny weather, the giggle of a small child, your favorite song on the radio. These small things are too often overlooked. If we take the time to live in the moment, and actually appreciate these happenings as they happen, attaining happiness may be easier than we think. Instead of placing your ultimate happiness on a pedestal, try to find happiness in your life every single day. Wake up and be thankful for having a new day ahead of you. Tell the people in your life that you love them and are lucky to have them.
You know how we’re all told that love finds you when you stop looking for it? Well, I believe this to be true regarding happiness as well.
That guy Tom I mentioned? He now claims to be happy for the first time in a decade. Why? He fell in love and got married and realized he could stop chasing something that he has now created on his own with someone else.
Maybe if we all stop trying so damn hard to be happy, we can find happiness in our current situations. Life will never be perfect; but sometimes it’s about acknowledging the imperfections, accepting them, and still appreciating life’s blessings anyways.
We are all capable of being happy. So stop obsessing over how tough life is and how you can’t seem to catch a break. STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF! It’s like they say, life is like a photograph- we develop from the negatives.